I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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