I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was like eating out sand paper
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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