Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
