Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
