I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
