so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
