In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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