I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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