every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
