my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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