I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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