Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize