I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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