Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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