We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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