Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
