I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
