No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
no, he came in my armpit
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize