What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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