it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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