I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
