Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
