You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
