So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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