I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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