Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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