i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
