i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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