so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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