And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
