Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
