Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
