the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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