How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We had sex on a dog bed..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
