it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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