Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
