You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
