i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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