Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
