yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
