This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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