Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
