Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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