i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
