I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
