i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
