The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
