honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
