Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
