the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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