**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
