I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
