She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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