First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
