I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize