The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
