doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
