I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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