I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
