There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
two words...techno handjob
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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