you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
