Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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