every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
