Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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