ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
