Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
as a side note pls kill me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
what the fuck happened to the tacos
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
