It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
