i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
