I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
