Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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