We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
