it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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