i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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