we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
