and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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