Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
