I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
