Me. At least after what I've been through.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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