Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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