Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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