still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize