Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
