I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
