therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
