She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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