I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
