After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
