I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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