I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
