Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
