She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
