Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
