I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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