Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
