There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize