grandma shit on top of the toilet
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
