dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
