The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize