I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
