Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
