dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
