Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
