i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
