I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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