Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
