You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
nutella sex= disaster
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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