So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
